I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
