i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
