...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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