Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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