No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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