We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
