So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
