i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
