If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
