His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
