He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
