If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
