So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
