I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she peed on how many people?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
