if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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