Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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