I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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