He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
