I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
