Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
