there's paper in my vomit.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
