i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
