Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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