singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
