We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
