I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
