its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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