I like to think it a success when the cops are called
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We don't watch enough power rangers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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