I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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