My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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