Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
