Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
