I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
