never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize