If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am one with the molecules
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
