I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize