i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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