It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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