why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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