I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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