its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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