Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
