Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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