I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize