what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this is an emotional support booty call
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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