we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
