Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
