you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
