You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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