She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
