Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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