i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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