Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
