I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize