wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Enjoy the penises
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
