its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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