If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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