The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
