Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize