Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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