she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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