Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
