so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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