Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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