OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
