he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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