I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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