I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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