I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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